Thursday, January 17, 2013


Well, dear readers, the second installment of Dr. Seusspeare's "Macbeth" remains currently under production. However, while you wait for its debut, why not kick up your feet and relax with some of these fine televisual programs, brought to you courtesy of the Literary Universe:


9:00 pm: The Apprentice- Five hopefuls compete for the chance to be hired as personal assistant to chocolatier Willy Wonka, and hopefully be next in line to run the Wonka candy empire. Tonight- the Chocolate River challenge.

Discovery Channel

9:00 pm: Gold Rush: Caribbean- Rival crews- one led by newcomer Jim Hawkins, the other by the experienced Captain "Long John" Silver, each bent on taking home a payday- vie for control of a claim on a hitherto unknown Caribbean island.


2:00 pm: Dr. Phil: "Wedding Day Disasters"- Young governess Jane discovers on her wedding day that her fiance is already married; years after being left at the altar, the still broken-hearted Miss Havisham struggles to move on.


7:00 pm: 30 Days: "Prince/Pauper"- A pampered royal and a scruffy street urchin must take on each other's lives for a month.


The CW

9:00 pm: Cheaters- A Russian nobleman is humiliated after the team catches his young wife Anna with her lover; a violent confrontation ensues when General Agamemnon returns home from deployment to find his wife with another man.


9:00 pm: Ghost Hunters: "Elsinore"- The team investigates a castle in Denmark where a young prince claims to have seen the ghost of his dead (possibly murdered) father.

OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network)

3:00 pm: Dr. Oz- The doctor interviews three guests suffering from rare and bizarre medical conditions: a farmer born with no brain, a logger born with no heart, and a woman who experiences a severe allergic reaction to water.
9:00 pm: Shocking Family Secrets- A man's life is turned upside-down when he discovers that he has inadvertently killed his father and married his mother; a young hobbit is stunned when he learns that the ring left to him by his uncle is actually a powerful and dangerous magical object.


9:00 pm: Real Housewives of Atlanta- Gossip, scandal, and family drama ensue when Scarlett attends Melanie's party, despite having been caught in a compromising situation by India earlier in the day.

9:00 pm: Hoarders: "Dr. Doolittle"- In a bizarre case of animal hoarding, the team tries to help a former veterinary surgeon who has surrounded himself with a variety of strange creatures that he believes can talk to him.
10:00 pm: Intervention: "Sherlock"- Older brother Mycroft, friend John Watson, and concerned landlady Mrs. Hudson try to persuade private investigator Sherlock to seek treatment for his cocaine addiction.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Dr. Seusspeare

Happy New Year!!! And as we start this new year of 2013, allow me to extend a most heartfelt apology for my lack of updates in the past few months. It's really kind of embarrassing, actually, the moreso because I don't really have any valid excuse. I mean, I have a couple of excuses (such as a move and something like three broken laptops, because apparently I void warranties faster than a two-year-old on a sugar high), but mostly it was just due to my own laziness and procrastinatory* tendencies.

No more, though! My New Year's resolution is to keep this blog updated regularly, shooting for at least one new entry a week, preferably two or three. And so let's kick off this new year with a brand spanking new blog post I've been cooking up for you all for some time now- a little project I like to call "Dr. Seusspeare." Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Shakespeare's plays had been written by Dr. Seuss? Well, I have, and now we are about to find out! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, allow me to present to you the first installment of...

William Shakespeare's
The Tragedy of Macbeth
as told by Dr. Seuss

 Scene 1- a heath in Scotland. Enter the three Witches, Macbeth, and Banquo

Macbeth: The sun shineth not,
It is too wet to play,
But we’ve had a victory
On this cold, cold, wet day!

Banquo: Hey, look there!
What do you see?
Some ugly witches,
One, two, three!

First Witch: Hail, Macbeth, how do you do?
Boy, do we have news for you!
Yes, that’s right, we know your name,
And that of Glamis you are the Thane!

Second Witch: We hope you won’t find this a bother,
But you are also Thane of Cawdor!

Third Witch: And this should make you want to sing-
Pretty soon you will be king!

Banquo: Say, that trick is pretty neat!
And news like that just can’t be beat!
If I asked you nicely, please,
Would you do the same for me?

First Witch: Lesser than Macbeth you’ll be,
And yet much greater, you will see!

Second Witch: Sadder than Macbeth you’ll be,
But happier, too, I guarantee!

Third Witch: You won’t be king, but don’t be sad-
Lots of kings will call you “Dad!”  

Macbeth: Wait, what’s all this you say?
I can’t be Cawdor, there’s no way!
He still lives, that worthy Thane,
There’s no way I could take his name!
As to be king, that can’t be true!
What do you mean? Speak, I charge you!

Witches vanish

Banquo: Well, that was certainly very strange-
Do you think that we might be insane?

Macbeth: Will such wonders never stop?
For lots of kings, you will be pop!

Banquo: And if rightly I did understand,
You will get to rule the land!

Enter Ross and Angus

Ross: Hail, Macbeth, the king is glad
You beat those Norsemen, beat them bad!
And so through me he gives the order
That you are now the Thane of Cawdor!

Macbeth: [aside] Well, goodness, that’s some news right there,
And now on end stands all my hair.
What is this awful think I thought?
I must not think it, I must not!
For if chance will have me king,
I should not have to do a thing.

Banquo: Hey, Macbeth, why stop so late?
It’s on your leisure we all wait!

Macbeth: Sorry friends, this news so strange
Was keeping busy my dull brain.
But you’re quite right, too long we’ve stopped.
So now, my comrades, let’s be off!


What dark fate awaits Macbeth? Tune in next time for Part 2 of "Dr. Seusspeare's 'Macbeth'"! 

*Oh hush, it is too a word!