Dr. Seusspeare

Happy New Year!!! And as we start this new year of 2013, allow me to extend a most heartfelt apology for my lack of updates in the past few months. It's really kind of embarrassing, actually, the moreso because I don't really have any valid excuse. I mean, I have a couple of excuses (such as a move and something like three broken laptops, because apparently I void warranties faster than a two-year-old on a sugar high), but mostly it was just due to my own laziness and procrastinatory* tendencies.

No more, though! My New Year's resolution is to keep this blog updated regularly, shooting for at least one new entry a week, preferably two or three. And so let's kick off this new year with a brand spanking new blog post I've been cooking up for you all for some time now- a little project I like to call "Dr. Seusspeare." Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Shakespeare's plays had been written by Dr. Seuss? Well, I have, and now we are about to find out! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, allow me to present to you the first installment of...

 

William Shakespeare's

The Tragedy of Macbeth

as told by Dr. Seuss

 Scene 1- a heath in Scotland. Enter the three Witches, Macbeth, and Banquo

Macbeth: The sun shineth not,

It is too wet to play,

But we’ve had a victory

On this cold, cold, wet day!

Banquo: Hey, look there!

What do you see?

Some ugly witches,

One, two, three!

First Witch: Hail, Macbeth, how do you do?

Boy, do we have news for you!

Yes, that’s right, we know your name,

And that of Glamis you are the Thane!

Second Witch: We hope you won’t find this a bother,

But you are also Thane of Cawdor!

Third Witch: And this should make you want to sing-

Pretty soon you will be king!

Banquo: Say, that trick is pretty neat!

And news like that just can’t be beat!

If I asked you nicely, please,

Would you do the same for me?

First Witch: Lesser than Macbeth you’ll be,

And yet much greater, you will see!

Second Witch: Sadder than Macbeth you’ll be,

But happier, too, I guarantee!

Third Witch: You won’t be king, but don’t be sad-

Lots of kings will call you “Dad!”  

Macbeth: Wait, what’s all this you say?
I can’t be Cawdor, there’s no way!

He still lives, that worthy Thane,

There’s no way I could take his name!

As to be king, that can’t be true!
What do you mean? Speak, I charge you!

Witches vanish

Banquo: Well, that was certainly very strange-

Do you think that we might be insane?

Macbeth: Will such wonders never stop?
For lots of kings, you will be pop!

Banquo: And if rightly I did understand,

You will get to rule the land!

Enter Ross and Angus

Ross: Hail, Macbeth, the king is glad

You beat those Norsemen, beat them bad!

And so through me he gives the order

That you are now the Thane of Cawdor!

Macbeth: [aside] Well, goodness, that’s some news right there,

And now on end stands all my hair.

What is this awful think I thought?
I must not think it, I must not!

For if chance will have me king,

I should not have to do a thing.

Banquo: Hey, Macbeth, why stop so late?
It’s on your leisure we all wait!

Macbeth: Sorry friends, this news so strange

Was keeping busy my dull brain.

But you’re quite right, too long we’ve stopped.

So now, my comrades, let’s be off!

Exeunt

What dark fate awaits Macbeth? Tune in next time for Part 2 of "Dr. Seusspeare's 'Macbeth'"! 

*Oh hush, it is too a word!