Dr. Seusspeare, Part II

Happy (slightly belated) New Year, everybody! For the first post of 2015, I am happy to present you with the continuation of William Shakespeare's Macbeth, as told by Dr. Seuss (the first part of which, should you need a refresher, can be found here). So, without further ado, allow me to present:

William Shakespeare's

The Tragedy of Macbeth

as told by Dr. Seuss

Part the Second

Scene 1: Inverness- Macbeth’s Castle. Enter Lady Macbeth, alone, with a letter.

Lady Macbeth: My husband writes and tells to me

That he encountered Witch One, Witch Two, and Witch Three.

And before he could speak, they told him some things

Among them that he would be Cawdor and king.

Then lickity-split, before he knew what to do

He was told that the first thing they said had come true!

Well! That is some news! That is news that is grand!

There is nothing more fun than ruling the land!

And yet, my husband’s much to kind

He won’t like the plan I have in mind.

[Enter Macbeth]

Macbeth: Hey wife! Say wife! Duncan will stay here tonight!

Lady Macbeth: Yes, but let there be no doubt,

He can come in, but can’t go out!

When he arrives, be nice as can be,

Then tonight we will kill him, you and me.

Macbeth: Those are some strange words to hear,

Let’s talk later of this, dear.

Lady Macbeth: It will be easy, you will see!

Just leave all of it to me!

                                                Exeunt 

Scene 2: Inverness- approaching Macbeth’s castle. Enter King Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Banquo, Lennox, Macduff, Ross, Angus, and Attendants.

Duncan: Say, this place is swell! This sure is one swell place to dwell!

[Enter Lady Macbeth]

Lady Macbeth: Yea, King Duncan, verily

I bid you welcome merrily!

We’re so glad you are our guest,

And that with us you’ve come to rest!

Duncan: Good Lady, is your husband here?

He rode too fast for us, I fear.

Lady Macbeth: About the Thane no longer wonder,

He’s waiting in the castle yonder.

Duncan:  Then by all means, let us go in

And thank the man who helped us win!

                      

  Exeunt

Scene 3: Inside Macbeth’s castle. Enter Macbeth.

Macbeth: No, I should not kill him

I should not, indeed.

For so many reasons,

It would be a bad deed!

Duncan’s my king,

He’s also my cousin,

And that is just two reasons

Out of a dozen!

He’s also my guest, and I hope you’ll agree

My guests should be honored,

Not murdered by me.

Then perhaps I should add, Duncan’s also quite nice

A man unacquainted with evil and vice.

No, I will not do it,

I won’t, that is clear-

            Enter Lady Macbeth

How now? What news is there, my dear?

Lady Macbeth: What are you doing out here, you fool?
Don’t you know that Duncan’s been asking for you?

Macbeth: I’ve sat and given it much thought,

I’m calling off our murder plot.

Lady Macbeth: How can this be? What do you mean?
I insist on being queen!

And if we’re to get ahead,

That man in there must end up dead!

We can kill him here or kill him there,

But we must murder him somewhere!

Macbeth: Peace, I say! I’ve made up my mind!
I won’t do something so unkind!
It doesn’t matter what you say,

I won’t do it in any way!

I would not kill him in a boat,

I would not drown him in our moat.

I would not kill him in his bed,

I would not stab him in the head!

I would not kill him here or there,

I would not kill him anywhere.

I would not, could not kill the king,
I could not do so foul a thing.

I’ll do only what befits a man,

Which does not mean killing the king of the land.

Lady Macbeth: Look at you, so prim and prissy!
You’re not a man, you’re just a sissy!

A real man would do what he said he would,

And murder Duncan well and good!

Macbeth: But suppose that we should fail?

Lady Macbeth: That will only happen if you bail!

Take your courage, screw it tight,

And we surely cannot fail tonight!

Later, when Duncan's fast asleep,

Into his room you'll softly creep.

As he's lying on his bed,

Take out your sword and kill him dead!
Then, before you leave the room,

Smear his blood upon his grooms.

No one will suspect a thing,

And just like that, you will be king! 

Macbeth: Goodness, wife, but you are tough!

But your plan makes sense enough.

And so your advice I'll heed-

Later this night, I'll do the deed.

Exeunt

Will Macbeth go through with his dastardly plot? Find out next time on Dr. Seusspeare's Macbeth!