Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Literary Limericks

We all want to be well-read. But let's face it- in this fast-paced day and age, few of us have either the time or the attention span to sit around and wade through pages and pages of dusty old classics. After all, this is the twenty first century! Gone are the days of sitting in armchairs, leisurely reading stacks of leather bound books by flickering candlelight. This is the age of Facebook and Twitter, of DVR and 140 character updates. We like things short, snappy, and to the point! The world has changed, and literature will just have to keep pace. We want to be well-read, and we want to get that way FAST!

Well, I am here to help. To help you become as cultured as possible as quickly as possible, I have condensed some of the great works of literature into limerick format, thereby saving you time, effort, and eye strain. Now you can enjoy each of these great works in a matter of seconds. You're welcome.

"Pride and Prejudice"
by Jane Austen

Mr. Darcy, rich, handsome, and vain,
By Lizzie Bennet was caused no small pain.
But he grew in her favor
When her runaway sister, he saved her,
So he married Lizzie, and Bingley wed Jane.

"A Tale of Two Cities"
by Charles Dickens

In times both the best and the worst,
Charles Darnay found himself cursed!
The French wanted him dead,
They cried out for his head!
But Sydney Carton gave them his first.

"Moby Dick"
by Herman Melville

There was a white whale, Moby Dick
Who was the reason Ahab's leg was a stick.
Captain Ahab he chased him,
But the whale quite outpaced him,
And Ahab, he died- what a trick!

by William Shakespeare

"Your uncle killed me," the king's ghost said,
Which made Hamlet go a bit off his head.
"To be or not!" 
Swords, poisons, and plots!
Now the whole court of Denmark is dead.

"The Tell-Tale Heart"
by Edgar Allen Poe

A man with a blue "vulture eye"
Seriously hacked off the wrong guy.
But as he lay under the floor
His heart beat some more,
Causing the killer to yell "It was I!"

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